We often talk about the gap between what writers write and what they live. From those who do not live as they write. Today I want to tell you about someone who did not live as he wrote, but became known after his death. In fact, from a tragedy, from a life lost as he wrote in his letter to his son ...
Yesterday I started Nihan Kyan's book "Childhood is hell". The book's dedication page reads: "I hope this book takes every reader to Alice Miller." I also decided to go. Alice Miller was a Jew born in 1923 in Poland. At the wrong time, in the wrong place to be born a Jew. As a child, he was brought to the Piotrkov camp with his family. He is subjected to physical and sexual abuse here. His father dies in this camp. He escapes from the camp with his mother and sister. He changed his name and started living in Switzerland and studying at the University of Basel. She married Andreas Miller in 1949. She has been married to him for 24 years. He specializes in psychoanalysis, pedagogy, child psychology. And with one book, his fame spread across the country - "Talented Child's Drama". Child psychology was the best explanation of parental influence and parent-child relationships. What kind of mother was Miller, whom people thought was ideal?
Miller's son, Martin Miller, who was a psychoanalyst like himself after Miller died in 2010 at the age of 87, answered that question. With one book - "REAL Drama of a Talented Child". As a child, Alice never faced the violence she saw in the Gestapo. She was married to a man who blackmailed her and did not love her. Her husband was afraid of her, humiliated and oppressed her endlessly. She drew a parallel between her husband and the soldier who tortured her. As her husband became angry, she turned her anger on her sons, Martin. Martin was insulted, beaten, and ... sexually abused. The child's mind accepted what came first. He was saving his beloved mother. His father told him that he would hurt his mother. But then all this began to happen in front of his mother. The woman, who taught the whole world how to be a parent, did not even move a finger to pull her son out of his father's arms.
As a teenager, Martin was sent to a rehabilitation center for drowning. Martin later learned that his mother had obtained a tape of conversations between him and his therapist. He also admitted that the help he had been waiting for would never come from his mother. Martin took his life. His mother wanted him to be a psychoanalyst like him. But Martin became a teacher. He got married. He decided to study psychology. His mother did not want him to study, he wanted him to learn from him. But Martin flatly denied it. Learning from him meant being his slave.
Alice Miller was 87 years old. It was cancer. He did not want to be in anyone's hands. Decided to commit suicide. Just like Freud ... He called his son. They said very briefly: "I'm going to die at noon. I called to say goodbye. I wish you and your wife Manuella a wonderful life. Now I have to call others."
Alice Miller also deprived her son of his inheritance. Then Martin decided to tell the world the truth of the legend of Alice Miller. He was waiting for his mother to die because he did not want her to declare war on him with his army. As he said, the child inside wanted a little justice. She didn't want to do it like her mother. He did not want to pass on his trauma to his children. He wanted to face his own reality. The book was not accepted by publishers in England, France and the United States. The reason was clear - they were afraid that the sale of Alice Miller's books would fall. Eventually, the German publisher accepted and the world became acquainted with the truth of the Millers.
Martin Miller always writes: "What I wrote was about my mother Alice Miller. It's not about what she wrote. I'm not against any of her theories. I suffered a lot for my mother. But what she wrote, her theories saved me from death. It was the irony of my life."
What a tragic dilemma ...
Can we blame Alice Miller? How can it be explained that a woman who opened the world of children so perfectly turned a blind eye to the sufferings of her son? Miller was a life lost between himself and his son's suffering. The Gestapo, the most horrible regime in the world, did not survive. The dead were dead. The rest ...
Martin convinced himself that what he had lived for years was no worse than what his mother had lived. The children of the victims have endured everything with this psychology for years. In fact, not only the victims, but also their children and the second generation were victims.
Arzu Mammadova
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